Lies Perfectionist Believe About God
A Blog by Alycia Dantier
God, why do you feel so far away right now? We’ve all asked this question, even David, the man after God’s own heart. This rift in our spiritual relationship is confusing because God’s presence seems inconsistent. Perfectionists follow the checklist of spiritual disciplines, keeping up with our Bible-in-a-year plan, volunteering every week, and praying for the people we say we will. We’re doing our part, so where is God?
Perfectionists are tempted to solve every problem by attempting to do more. We feel distant from God, so we think we need to memorize more verses. Or we think God might be mad at us, so we just need to do more good works. In reality, distance comes from an inaccurate view of God. We believe lies about our Father that push Him away and replace Him with a false god. Without an accurate picture, we disconnect from the Source of truth, peace, and hope; without guidance from our Shepherd, our growth is stunted; without the Light, we can’t recognize the Inner Critic’s lies.
Thankfully, God has not disappeared from sight; we just need to adjust the lens through which we see Him. That starts with wiping away the lies clouding our vision.
Lie #1: God loves me more when I’m perfect
We believe God has favorites–people earning His favor by keeping their lives together. His favorites read the Ten Commandments and follow them flawlessly, and God is so proud. Perfectionists read God’s description of righteousness and think, “If I fall short of that, God will be so angry at me.” This belief paints a god who is expectantly waiting for us to figure it out ourselves, and that impatience makes us feel pressured and lonely. We mistake God for this irritated false god who is focused on what we should do for ourselves. So we stay distant. But by fixating on self-centered work, we miss the God-centered nature of the gospel.
John 15:13 says, “No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends.” (CSB). The greatest form of love is what Jesus did on the cross. He loved us at the deepest, most profound level before we accepted Him, let alone before we started working on our relationship with Him. So our actions have no effect on His love for us.
Inner Critic, you’re a liar. God loves me the same yesterday as He does today and as He will forevermore, and I can do nothing to change it.
Lie #2: God is disappointed in me
My math teacher called me up to the board. I completed the calculation and looked for approval. She sighed and added a negative sign to my answer, saying, “You miss the smallest details.” The Inner Critic screamed, “You’re an idiot. We’ve corrected this mistake a hundred times.”
So I did everything I could to avoid little mistakes.
Every morning, I woke up at 5:30, brushed my teeth, made herbal tea, and sat down for a 30-minute devotional. Every meal, I bowed my head and blessed my food. I set reminders to pray for people and memorized a verse a week. I still felt like a disappointment to God. He seemed so far away, judging me with a slow shake of His head. My prayers felt stale, my praises were rehearsed, and I spiraled into shame and isolation because surely God was ashamed of me for being fake. Surely He couldn’t even look at my tear-stained face.
I projected a perfect image but felt so far from Him. It was when I finally broke down that I felt His presence. He began to teach me that He is patient and forgets my wrongdoings faster than I can. Instead of condemning and shaming me, He smiles and says, “My child, I’m so excited to work with and through you.”
Paul recounts in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “[God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness’” (CSB). God sees past small mistakes as part of the bigger picture because His ultimate plan is not affected by our screw-ups. Not only that, God’s plan includes us, even with our brokenness.
I believed God was like the judgmental Inner Critic, obsessing over my minor flaws. But God is gracious, patient, and sovereign, so He’s really not worried about that negative sign I missed.
Lie #3: God will get mad if I have doubts
When someone admits they’re struggling with doubt, we come up with solutions to squash the doubt. We think of doubt as distrust, rejection, and failure. We silence our doubts because we see them as a sign of spiritual weakness or unfaithfulness. But that’s perfectionism talking; God welcomes hard questions without disappointment.
Whether with the ever-rebellious Israelites, anxious Gideon, or faithless disciples, God patiently held the hands of many believers struggling with their doubts. He promises never to leave us, even if we are considering leaving Him (Deuteronomy 31:6). God promises to use anything for our good and His glory (Genesis 50:20). He doesn’t see us as weak failures. He says, “I still want you,” and He fights for us.
God understands what we often forget: doubt isn’t the enemy; ignoring doubt is. Suppressing questions only exacerbates their dangerous side, empowering seeds to take root and grow, pushing God out. Hiding from doubt creates a wedge between ourselves and others, leading to shame, killing authenticity.
Lie #4: God doesn’t want what’s best for me
As a young teen, I knew God had a good plan for humanity where good triumphs over evil. But I couldn’t help but ask, “Is His plan good for me? And is it better than mine?” My plan was hard to beat. I would write a bestseller, have lots of friends, graduate early, travel the world, get married before 25, and memorize the entire Bible. I was so afraid His plan was going to be different than mine and would mess everything up, like a little sibling carelessly wrecking my beautiful block tower. So I tried to convince myself that He wanted me to write a book and travel, too. I trusted myself to provide a fulfilling life and followed my plan, hoping God’s plan would line up, terrified it didn’t.
We forget that free will is in God’s will. He gave us a good world so we could fill and govern it, settling in and making it our home (Genesis 1:28). God wants us to have a personalized part in His work. He wants us to not merely accept His plan but get excited about being a part of it.
When we grow closer to God, we fall in love with Him and His method. The more we love Him, the more we desire to participate. Our heart’s desires change to match God’s, so when His will is accomplished, we celebrate, too. It’s not “my will vs. God’s will”; it’s “I want your plan, too.”
I wanted to be a bestselling novelist. I convinced myself God wanted me to pursue fiction writing. But I was convicted to surrender all, including my dreams. That’s when He introduced me to writing about perfectionism, and I jumped in enthusiastically. While my original dream never came true, I’m not upset because my life is more fulfilling now than I imagined. The desires of my heart changed to align with His will, so when His will is accomplished, I’ve won, too.
God is not selfish, calling His followers to give up their dreams and submit to a disappointing life as His slaves. He fulfills us by welcoming us with an active role in His selfless plan of salvation.
Addressing the lies we believe about God opens our eyes to know God for who He is. He isn’t volatile, judgmental, angry, or selfish; God is steadfast, accepting, patient, and selfless love. Understanding His authentic character allows us to not only develop a closer relationship with Him and experience peace, joy, and confidence but also to fall madly in love with the God who is madly in love with us. A relationship like that will cripple perfectionism and transform our lives.
