Comparison: The Undercover Bully
A blog by Lexie Glover
Have you ever watched those high school movies where there is always a bully or “mean girl” in the film? They try to assert dominance or amplify their significance or social status by persecuting the person who is typically the leading role. You begin to witness the protagonists pick themselves apart piece by piece to the point where they become unrecognizable. Everything about who they are dissolves into a new image of themselves. The image of what they think others will view as worthy, likable, and valued.
You’re probably thinking, why did I start with that scenario? Most of my high school years looked very similar, but not as dramatically narrated. I remember constantly striving for approval and validation in friendships, sports, social status, romantic relationships, school; the list could go on. If I just dressed this way, acted this way, looked this way, had these friends, dated this guy, had the clothes and money they did, then I would be accepted. I spent so many years striving and comparing only to find myself left as more insecure, more envious and more jealous.
If this is an area of struggle, I’m here to tell you that you are not alone, friend. With how social media based our culture is today, we have access to viewing the lives of so many people through the fabricated lens of unrealistic highlights. We may even look at the lives of other Christian influencers and wonder how God gave them so much favor in blessing them with a platform. It’s easy to look at other people's lives and allow what they do to determine your worth and value. I bought into that lie too many times to count. What if I told you that there is freedom from what feels like this endless cycle of envy? That you were designed with divinely purposed intent for the Kingdom of God. Not only did God, creator of the universe, form you by his marvelous workmanship, but he has specifically called you in your uniqueness to walk in the purpose he has for your life. (Ephesians 2:10)
Comparison can be one of those things used in a healthy way when it comes to spiritual growth and acknowledging differences, but it can become poisonous to our spirits when we begin to start resenting. We dwell too much on our imperfections and envy the possessions of others.
I remember a specific moment when I was doing my daily social media scroll. My entire explore page was fitness models. I immediately started to think, “Man, I wish I looked that way. I wish I could be that lean”. After thirty minutes of stalking account after account, studying how they trained and what they ate, I realized how negatively I was speaking over myself. I was immediately overcome with the Lord’s loving conviction. I felt the Lord say “Your competition is not other people. What matters most is what I say about you”.
You were designed for more than living through someone else's social media feed. God made you who you are so particularly. Who you are, in your most true form, is when you are not measuring yourself to someone else.
Why is it unwise to compare our lives?
Comparison robs you of true joy
We hear the saying that comparison is the thief of joy. I’ve learned that it is so true. When we compare ourselves to others, it creates a sense of focusing so much on self in a negative way that we miss the truth and joy that God gives us as his children. The bully of comparison steals from our souls the experience of joy and hope in Christ. We become unguarded and leave our hearts open to the deceitfulness of the enemy’s scheme to take away our contentment. As your sister in Christ, I want to remind you that the joy God desires for you is lasting, unflawed and available to you. In Him is where you will find it. His joy is our strength!
'Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. '
Psalms 34:5 (NLT)
Comparison can cripple your calling
When we over fixate on what everyone else is doing, it will hinder our ability to walk in the calling God has put on our lives. We see in scripture where Peter, someone who walked with Jesus, experienced his miracle and walked by faith, even fell short by our human nature to compare.
'Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?” Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” '
John 21:21-22 (NLT)
Peter just witnessed Jesus provide hundreds of fish within seconds after they tried all night to catch them, yet he gets distracted by pivoting his focus on the other disciples in that moment.
When we spend too much time dwelling on the lives of others, we miss opportunities to do the things that God is calling us to do. Jesus is saying to Peter, remain focused on the plan I have purposely prepared for you by following me. I believe that Jesus, in His loving kindness, is revealing His heart by expressing His care for each individual relationship with him. Each called. Each chosen. Each loved. Each made with different gifts.
God cares so deeply about you and your purpose that he doesn’t want you to miss experiencing him in fullness by concentrating on man. Keeping our eyes on Jesus will keep us in alignment to walk in our calling.
Comparison kills our ability to be grateful
A heart of gratitude is almost impossible to have when our minds are flooded with so much of ourselves. Comparing can diminish the blessings that God has already given you. Throughout the Bible, we see so many people of faith in complete adoration and awe of what the Lord has done in their lives and the work of his hands. Hannah, when God granted her the gift of a child. Paul, in the midst of imprisonment and oppression. David, in the book Psalms. Gratitude puts us in a perspective to realize that God has given us significantly more than we deserve.
What can we do when we find ourselves comparing?
Acknowledging your thoughts. By God’s grace, we have the ability to take inventory of what we are thinking about. It is important to recognize and confess those thoughts to the Lord. The Bible tells us that as followers of Jesus, we can take our thoughts captive and fix our minds on things that bring honor to God.
'and every proud thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to obey Christ. '
2 Corinthians 10:5 (CSB)
'Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy — dwell on these things. '
Philippians 4:8 (CSB)
2. Replacing those lies with the truth of God’s word. When you begin to feel comparison creeping in, speaking truth over those lies will reaffirm the authority of the Lord over your mind.
Here are some truths to remind yourself of who God says that you are:
Jesus chose and appointed you. (John 15:16)
You are loved. (Romans 8:38-39)
God’s grace is sufficient for you. (2 Corinthians 12: 9)
You were made with a divine purpose. (2 Timothy 1:9)
Jesus knows what you need. (Luke 12: 22-34)
3. Express your gratitude to Jesus. Give your thanks to the Lord and ask Him to give you a grateful heart. I heard this on a podcast recently. Gratitude is the antidote for comparison.
Spending time appreciating what God has given you leaves no space for those thoughts. The bible tells us to be rooted in faith and overflowing with gratitude (Colossians 2: 7). To give thanks in all circumstances. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Present your praises to Him and watch Him posture your heart to receive full contentment in who He is and who He has created you to be.
The pressures of social media and society do not define you. Your value, worth and joy are found in the one who created you. The one who has a calling, a purpose and a path for your life. What God has given you is a gift out of his sufficient grace. Look to Jesus. Become so focused on running towards the race set before you by God, for God. Let’s lay down the weight of comparison and be reminded by the truth of God’s word who we are so that we may walk in his joy, fulfilling the plans He has made for each of us!
I encourage you to ask yourself these questions as you navigate comparison:
Who has God called you to be?
What lies are you believing about yourself?
What can you do to stop comparing in your life?
